Step by Step
by Pinguin1993
Summary: Ever since Leo came home from Central America, things haven't quite been the same. One night, he finds his brothers' fears and tears on fanfiction. And he realizes that to fix things, someone needs to take the first step. Oneshots.
1. Step By Step

_Well I've been reading more and more of them lately and so I kind of figured it's my turn now. Or Leo's turn, anyway. Yeah, I'm mainstream. After all, I breathe, so I'm mainstream anyway, right?

* * *

_**Step by Step  


* * *

**It is early in the morning when Hamato Leonardo enters the Lair.

Everything is quiet, except for the soft dripping of water in the tunnels outside. The elevator hisses as the doors close and it moves back upstairs, and for a moment the blue-clad turtle stops and listens, but the domed living room shows no sign of anyone else being awake. There are leftover popcorn bags and an empty pizza box from Michelangelo's latest movie night on the couch table. With a sigh, Leo strips off his twin katana and stores them in the dojo. Then he cleans up the sofa area.

His two-toed feet make no noise as he moves upstairs to reach his room. He only stops twice to look into the rooms of Michelangelo and Donatello. To his surprise, even the genius of the family is fast asleep and not in his lab. _Sensei must have told him to, _Leonardo muses and carefully opens the door to his own room. He doesn't bother to check on Raphael. When he is honest, he doesn't even want to know whether his hot-headed brother is home or not.

The wooden door creaks in its hinges, and Leonardo flinches. He couldn't find the time yet to fix that. Ever since he came back from his two-year training, things had been turbulent, to say the least. One new problem followed the next. It almost seemed to him that his brothers hadn't gotten anything done in his absence, and he doesn't know whether he should feel annoyed or worried by it.

With another sigh, he falls down onto his mattress. It still feels impossibly soft after two years of living on trees, and in caves. But even though nothing can be heard except for the soft snoring of his youngest brother, and the sheets are just too welcoming, sleep won't come tonight.

Leonardo sits up in bed and puts his head in his palms. Something is not right in this family lately. The atmosphere totally changed. After the task with the stone generals, during which he barely escaped death, things had settled down for a while. But lately, the old issues came flaring up like angry flames, burning everything good and peaceful to cinders.

And Leonardo, supposed to be the leader of the clan, finds himself in the middle of a heap of shards. And he can't find the right glue for them.

He is supposed to have trained, to have learned, and to be ready to lead them without difficulties. But how can he do that when he feels he doesn't understand his brothers anymore?

The blue-banded turtle realizes with a start that he won't find sleep tonight. He doesn't know what to do about that, either. He doesn't dare to train or cook tea and risk to wake anyone up. They are tired enough since he re-started training with them. Still, Leonardo stands up and leaves his room. His steps lead him downstairs, and once he is there, he choses to use the computer and get in touch with the real world for a change.

Even though it's been the longest time since he last used it, the machine comes to life with a satisfyingly silent humming. The screen glows blue and white in the darkness of the Lair. Without further thoughts, the leader opens Firefox and calls up Google. Then he just sits there and thinks about what to search for.

Call it sleep deprived madness, but he soon finds himself searching for his own name. Surprisingly many websites pop up, and Leo realizes that Donatello must've updated the system lately. He klicks at random links, until a blue-and-white site pops up. It shows a list of cartoon shows, books and games. Leonardo's eyes turn to slits when he reads the name of the webpage. _F-a-n-f-i-c-t-i-o-n? Why not, could be fun._

He types his name into the search engine and waits.

Then he starts reading, and suddenly he doesn't think it's funny anymore.

~* t ~* m ~* n ~* t ~*

He had no idea.

Leonardo sits on the sofa, but he doesn't watch TV. He just sits there, his head on the back of the furniture, and stares at the ceiling. Through the domed skylight, sun streams onto his face, but he doesn't even bother to blink. He barely sees the golden beams.

This was what they felt all along?

His stomach twists, but he knows it's not because of hunger. Leonardo's body feels heavy and used all of a sudden. Spent. As if every drip of life had been sucked out and all that's left is an empty corpse. Only his mind works on full speed, and the ever same thoughts chase themselves around and around in his head.

Didn't they know why he had left in the first place?

It had all been because- No. Leonardo shakes his head in sudden confusion. He can't tell them. Maybe in the beginning, before or right after he left, he could have done that. But now it was too late. Even if he told them, it wouldn't change anything. They would still feel betrayed, would be fed up with the excuses and the meaningless words. With a start, the clan leader realizes that he had not really apologized even once. Not one time has he called them together, without a fight and harsh words, and just said 'I am sorry'.

Deeply ashamed, his shoulders slump and he sinks back into the cushions.

He had been hoping to become a better leader for them. He had thought that he had disappointed them, failed them, and wanted to make up for it. Only now, far, far too late he realizes that the only person he had disappointed was himself. And by breaking the dams, by giving in to his selfish feelings and leaving, he had almost destroyed their whole family.

How did that happen?

But whatever the cause, it will end now. Here and today, Leonardo will fix this. He knows all too well that it will take much more than one day to repair the damage. And he only hopes that what he did is not permanent. But he has to start somewhere, and he has the feeling he will need all the courage he has for it. And suddenly he is glad that the years in the djungle teached him to stay strong.

The smell of cinnamon and eggs reaches him as if from the distance. He didn't even realize the others were already awake. Shaking his head in disbelief, he stands up and walks into the kitchen. His legs are sour from what he now realizes where hours of sitting in silence, but he nonetheless helps to prepare the table. Donatello and Raphael come in eventually, driven by the need for Michelangelo's delicious cooking. Leonardo smiles absently. _Raph, Donnie, and Mikey. My brothers. My family._

He raises his voice.

"Hey, everyone? I, uh, I need to tell you something..."

Today he would finally make the first step back home.


	2. Ghosts

_Yeah, ya know. Just scrolling through the '07 movie again. So I decided to update this. I was also inspired by a similar collection of awesome oneshots going on right now, it's called "Baby Steps". I highly suggest you check it out!  
Decided to use this as the second chapter, but it takes place before Leo came back._

_

* * *

_**Ghosts

* * *

**_"He wasn't always a ghost."

* * *

_"Your training period ended a year ago," she said as calmly as possible. She had to fight to look at him while she spoke. Had to fight to stay collected. Screaming at him would do no good; still she couldn't keep the edge out of her voice, couldn't help the way her hands formed into fists when she looked at him. "And Splinter says you don't write anymore." She shrugged, trying to put as much of her restrained energy into small movements like that. All she really wanted was to stand up and slap him in the face. _You haven't been writing for a few months now. They pretty much think you are dead. _She didn't finish the thought because she knew where it'd lead her. _They almost hope you are. Because that means you haven't just stopped caring._

"Splinter sent me down here to become a better leader!" Leo's voice was harsh, and he didn't seem to have any trouble meeting her eyes. He waved a small branch around in the air, following invisible patterns that distracted her. At least it told her that he wasn't all emotionally dead. Her presence affected him a great deal more than he liked to admit.

His next words snapped her out of her thoughts like the sting of a scorpion, violently and totally unprepared for.

"I can't go back a failure."

She felt the color drain from her face, felt her eyes go wide. He continued babbling about something, about the people in Central America needing him, that she barely registered. _Go back a failure. _She told him about his brothers' new lives, laughing about Mikey and Don's jobs, making a face at the thought of Raphael, but her heart wasn't in it. _Go back a failure. _Didn't he know? How could he _not _know? And still, there he was, waving the small stick again as if that proved a point she didn't get. _Go back a failure. _He was failing, failing so miserably right here, right now. He didn't need to come back to be a failure. He pretty much got it all right where he was.

She bit her tongue to prevent these thoughts from escaping her.

"I just know something's missing," he whispered, finally throwing that stupid stick away. He stood up, pacing a few steps, and she kept her eyes on him in wary attention. She didn't understand. She just didn't understand. How could he be here, thousands of miles from home, and not know what exactly he was missing? He shouldn't be helping some villagers. He should be at home.

Should have been there to prevent Don from being crushed by the weight of leadership.

Should have been there after Mikey's first day at work. Should have been there to inspect his bruises and to cheer him up.

Should have been there to discover the giant metal suit Raph had built.

Should have been there to talk to Splinter when everyone was busy.

Should have been there.

Not Donnie. Not Raph. Not Mikey. Not Splinter. Not Casey, and especially not herself.

Him.

"Your brothers need you, Leo," she said softly. _Even if they don't know it. _"They are lost without you..."

For one second she looked away, consumed by a wild mix of emotions, and stared at her fingers that were intertwined in her lap. When she looked up again, he was gone. Not a word, no good-bye, no comment. There was no trace that showed her she hadn't just imagined the whole thing.

Just like a ghost.

Maybe, she mused long after she had put out the fire and entered the plane that would take her back to the USA; maybe his brothers weren't the only ones that were lost.


	3. Once

_Aaaaand right another chapter coming up from the depths of .. no, not Central America, but almost. ;)

* * *

_**Once

* * *

**_"Make every mistake once. The choices are unlimited as it is."

* * *

_He bit on his tongue, hard, drawing blood. It was salty and metallic to the taste. His fists clenched and unclenched rapidly, unconsciously following the fast pace of his racing heart. Sweat popped out on his forehead and neck, cold sweat, the sweat he reserved for moments of great fear and situations that got out of control in a bad way. The flickering screens of three giant computers made him dizzy, and the worn leather chair creaked suspiciously as he leant back, exasperated, and hid his face in his palms. And still the voices kept babbling into his ears, kept complaining and shouting and arguing and sometimes even threatening him.

Leonardo was horrified after only one hour. He was through, he was out of this, he was done for. He couldn't stand it a second longer. But he didn't stop.

After all, he promised.

**~o~**

One hit him in the back of the head with something hard. The thin sheet of rubber between whatever object it was and his head did nothing to diminish the pain in the slightest. He turned around as swiftly as he dared without tripping over toy cars and unopened presents to see his attacker. How did he even get this high up? Through the small slit his vision was forced through he finally realized that _it _was standing on a chair, grinning wide with mischief. Before he could react, another one hit him... where it hurt, and he dropped to the ground with a gasp. The fake nunchucks burst open, spilling toffee and other sweets everywhere. Just what he needed. An energy boost for the monsters. He closed his eyes and bore the torment, praying to God that they would kill him fast.

Leonardo hated children. He hated sweets, he hated cake, and most of all, he hated the slick sticky feeling of rubber superglued to his head with sweat. But he didn't stop.

Because he promised.

**~o~**

The gloves didn't get any grip at all to his katana hilts. He didn't understand why even the gloves had to be made of metal. Protection, he could only guess. The sight was even worse than under that stupid green rubber mask, and so was the smell. Bad guy smell, the smell of sweat and blood and many things worse. He took another clumsy step, tripping and almost falling in the process, and cursed under his breath. With something like longing he thought back to the thick trees and underwood of the jungle, and of the way he had been almost flying through the humid air. Well, the air was humid in this tuna can, and he was flying too. Down. As the concrete grind into his armor with the sound of ten million fingernails on a blackboard, he was at least thankful for the helmet.

Leonardo had trained hard to be swift and quick as lightning. He could disappear into the thinnest shadows. The heavy metal armor that was made to be seen in public (or whatever you call street punks anyway) totally messed with his concepts. But he didn't stop.

Why the hell had he promised?

~o0o~

_"You want to know what it has been like? Fine. You'll do our jobs for us, for one day, and each job once. One day I.T. Tech Geek, one day Cowabunga Carl, one day, uh, night, the Nightwatcher. No complains. Everything once. Promise me."_

_He had agreed only too happily. After all, it was only small jobs. He had fought the greatest evil in the jungle, had had to kill to eat. How bad could this be?_

_After all, it was only once._

_Right?  
_


End file.
